Hey Everyone!

You probably got my BLOG last night and if you read through it there was quite the teaser 😂. I started talking about porn and a large chunk of it got caught out. I really left you in the dark there. Anyways, pornography is a big topic in youth group so I have sent you the rest of the blog down below with some of my additional comments.

I was walking through the Beatitudes with my 9th grade small group, and we came across the dreaded passage from Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” After we talked about it a bit, I made what I thought was a bold statement. I said, “I’m just going to assume that all of you guys are struggling with pornography. If you’re not, that’s great! But, I’m going to start with the assumption that it’s a struggle for everyone. Let me know if it’s not a struggle.”

Every one of those guys admitted that pornography is a struggle in some way. Several made commitments to have an accountability program (XXXchurch.com) installed on their computer. A few even listed me as their accountability partner.

Pornography is insidious. Its lure is powerful and its addictive capacity is a bottomless pit. These days, with porn just a mouse click away, there’s never been greater access to this destructive evil. Everyone is vulnerable, from teens to parents to Christian leaders. One survey found that 87% of men admit to using porn in the past month. Another study set out to research the affects of porn on young men compared to those who had never viewed it. When researchers couldn’t find any young men who had not viewed porn, the study was abandoned!

When I assumed all the guys were struggling, I had hoped I was wrong. I wasn’t. Everyone is just one mouse click away. This issue isn’t going away. If we’re not talking about it with our teenagers, we’re missing great opportunities to help them. I believe the tormented boys in my small group really want to talk, they want help, they want freedom!

The Scriptures warn us (with good reason!) to flee immorality. No good thing will ever come to your life—or your kids’ lives—relationships, marriage, family, or ministry from exposure to pornography.

If you or your kids haven’t been caught in porn’s snare, wonderful! Keep doing what you are doing but know that everyone in your family is vulnerable. If you or your kids have been ensnared, let me encourage (and challenge) you: it isn’t the unpardonable sin. Do your best to flee or help your kids flee. God wants to help. Use accountability tools. Help is available. Get help. And let me tell you, as I told the guys in my small group, I know you (and your family) can win this battle. I believe in you!

So I really liked this blog from a fellow youth pastor and I really relate with his experience. Pornography and lust are a constant topic in small groups. Here are some additional thoughts from me:

So we talk about porn a lot. We talk about it as often as we talk about drugs and alcohol from the stage. Which whenever we are talking about struggles I point that one out. The guys’ small groups talk about it a lot. Your kids will NEVER bring that up to you because thats just weird for them but you can bet that it is a constant topic for the boys. We talk to them about how to overcome it with specific tools they can have on their phones, accountability partners etc…

1.) The main discipleship in a students life happens at home. So, talk to your students about porn. Have the tough conversations at home. Teachers (sex- ed) and friends are talking to them about it. You have to be a voice in their life.  Your voice will often be the most valued too. It will NOT seem like it at first LOL but based on research a parents voice is incredibly valuable to a youth. They’ll tell ya when they are older 😂

2.) What we try and train the students on is that God has placed desires in your life. It is normal to notice a beautiful woman but its when you do that double take and start undressing her with your eyes that it becomes lust so we try and teach them how to see girls as sisters in Christ and not objects.

3.) Not every student interacts with porn directly. Some can still look at porn through instagram and social media too.

4.) I personally try to have a good balance of talk about this subject because what CAN happen that I am also sensitive to is a young male can really make their whole relationship with God about whether they messed up, looked at porn and masterbated, or not. They can easily associate their whole faith with that. So…if they did good and abstained they feel “close” to God and if they slipped up then they feel distant. I believe their relationship with God is bigger and more than just whether they looked at porn or not so we try to train them in other areas as well and show them that their relationship with God is so much more than just a decision about porn and lust.

Here are some additional resources for further research

Your Brain on Porn (great book on porn and the neurological science about what is happening in someones brain using porn)
Intentional Parenting (one of my personal favorites when it comes to parenting)
Bringing Up Boys (I haven’t read this cuz its about raising boys but I have heard its great!)

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